My 20-week ultrasound is later today. I'm pretty excited. So excited in fact that when I woke up today at 6 am having to go to the bathroom I couldn't get back to sleep and spent an hour tossing and turning and listening to N breathe.
I've been fairly nonchalant about this pregnancy in large part because after my miscarriage in December I thought I might lose it at any time. But for the last couple of weeks I've been feeling the baby move around and it seems much more real. I'm excited to find out if we're having a girl or boy.
I'd honestly be thrilled with either. It would be great to have another little boy close to E's age so they're pals (and I already have all the boy stuff I need) and. Plus we already have our favorite boy names narrowed down to two. I would like to have a little girl at some point but we're planning on having a few more kids (including adopting) so it's not like this is our last chance at that. And regarding girls' names the field is wide open (and might require a few rounds of negotiations).
I don't have a feeling either way, so it's going to be a surprise. With E I was sure it was a boy before we went to the ultrasound. I had been wanting a girl but felt kind of wretched about it since we had been wanting a baby for so long. I felt guilty and selfish and didn't want to bring any negative feelings to the situation when I had so much to feel thankful for. So I spent some time praying, expressing my gratitude and asking for maturity and peace. And a few weeks before my ultrasound with E I suddenly knew it was a boy. I was thinking on things and suddenly in my mind's eye I saw a little boy (with E's old mushroom haircut) wearing a striped shirt and jean shorts standing in our backyard. And very matter-of-factly I thought: "Hey, that's our little boy. And he's AWESOME." So the ultrasound wasn't a surprise and when I saw E's face for the first time it seemed very familiar and it was simply like: "Oh, hello again."
Besides hoping this baby is healthy I don't have any reservations and I'm excited for the surprise. But I'll always be thankful for a Heavenly Father who cared enough about a silly young me to reassure me that no matter what being a parent would be better than I could imagine.
Labels: Baby #2, E., navel-gazing